Nobody liked your project idea, so we are not going to give you any funding. The first version is a weaker statement, emphasizing facts not directly relevant to its point. The second version provides the information in a simple and direct manner. But you don’t need to be an expert on style to know that the first phrasing is diplomatic and respectful (even though it’s less concise) as compared with the second version, which is unnecessarily harsh and likely to provoke a negative reaction.
Tips and Tricks for Better Letters: Following the proper formatting is only the first part of writing a letter that gets action. The content of a poorly formatted letter is unlikely to be read _ in one study of HR personnel, more than 80% said they’d throw out a resume if there were only one or two errors in the cover letter _ but even a well_formed letter is unlikely to be acted on unless the content is powerful and engaging. Once you have their attention, you need to create interest in whatever you’re offering. Promise to solve their problems _ with a great product, with your services, with a partnership, with whatever it is you’re writing about.